It’s Thanksgiving Week.

What does that mean for you? What does it look like and feel like?

I’ve been struck by how many different ways these holidays we are entering are experienced.

Each person has memories, hopes, and traditions - some of which they’ve simply always done and some of which they may carefully choose and construct.

For a single person, it can be different from year to year.

For many of us, it can include loss and love - connection and separation - intertwined.

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For me, over the years, Thanksgiving has ranged from just two people to probably a hundred!

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Growing up, our family of four was on the opposite coast of the rest of the family, so our Thanksgivings were not large, though we often included friends and acquaintances. One year, a newlywed joined our Thanksgiving, so excited about a recipe she found that cooked rice in a pumpkin. Only, the rice didn’t actually cook. It was as crispy as when you take it out of the bag. I still feel her embarassment and pain AND the incredible love all lavished on her for trying something new. By the end of the meal, there was even a little laughter.

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And then there was the year when I was in the Soviet Union on Thanksgiving. Our hosts found a restaurant willing to give “Thanksgiving dinner” a try. In a time period when poultry was rarely available, sugar and eggs were rationed, and milk was only available with a doctor’s note that you had a child under the age of 2, you can imagine the menu was not quite “traditional.”

In parallel to the food, the emotions did not fit the stereotyped expectation of the day. We gathered as friends. Our Russian host family members were largely experiencing their very first “Thanksgiving Dinner” and had many questions. So there was love, laughter, and curiosity. At the same time, our birth families and American friends were in another part of the world, and at that pre-internet time, most of us had not talked with a family member in 3 months. We’d been experiencing the stress of a country in turmoil which was only going to get worse in the coming years. As I recall, at least one chair was broken that night in an emotional outburst.

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Wherever you are in relation to Thanksgiving this year, I wish you space for both gratitude and curiosity.

Gratitude for large and small things this year, for people you appreciate (whether near or far), and for the ”intangibles“ that are so much more substantial than “stuff” - love, hope, inspiration.

Curiosity for the people you may meet, the traditions you may not celebrate yourselves, the unique experiences and expectations each one may have.

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Both gratitude and curiosity can strengthen connection, and that’s something that can happen no matter the size or space of a gathering. If you need an extra connection this year, please reach out - to me or to a friend or acquaintance. We don’t always know who in our circles need that extra touch of connection.

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With gratitude for each of you,

Mary

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